老大在国内，感受应经由蜜月期转变到半月之痒了，从厌烦我打电话到天天想我打电话给她，天天吵着要回来，头都给她闹大了。其实自始自终我都没有赞成她这次独自回国。毕竟离开快四年，什么都变了。家已经不在故乡，心还会有归属感吗？父母不在身边，何处可以寻找安慰呢？

 

住在亲戚家，虽说家人对她不错，很宽容。但是价值观和人生观的巨大差异，加上家里发生的一些琐事，令她无所适从。看到国内弟妹们苦战题海，自己无所事事，感觉压力又大。一直告诉她，回去没有想象得那么好，以前她一点都不信。这次终于发狠说，回来要好好读书考上好大学，以后不会想着要回中国工作和生活了。

 

我是回去过的，那种剥离的感觉至今记忆犹新。物质上的家园已不在，亲人友人，工作生活都变得虚无。回想那回国的三个月，是人生中比较痛苦的一段时光，那时别人都以为在国外很风光，那我为什么还呆在国内呢？什么都抽离了本土，家园虽好，但好多东西都已不属于我了，为什么还要留恋呢？苦熬三个月后，找不到任何留下去的理由，就毅然抽身而退，回到了一无所有的卡城，白手起家，打工，学习，工作，生活逐步走上了正轨，人生也仿佛从高中毕业后重新来了一遍。

 

小孩的心是脆弱的，眼睛里也容不得半点沙子，这次独自回国，一定在她内心的某些地方留下了伤痕，这是我不愿看到的，也是我不能避免的。“相见不如怀念”，这句爱情用语，用在这里也合适。再好的东西，距离太近了，都有瑕疵。要想永有美好之感，就只有永远保持着一定距离。

 

距离产生美，这是真理。

老大回国已经十多天了，在国内吃喝玩乐，不亦乐乎。当然也有很多感慨。毕竟离开国门四年了，记忆中的很多东西都变了，尤其在异乡，对故乡的留恋和记忆，都是些美好的东西。一旦回到现实，美好的丑陋的都一览无遗，对人还是很有冲击力的。电话聊天中，老大多有抱怨，国内物价飞涨，已经今非昔比；街上人群拥挤，车流横冲直撞，营业员态度恶劣，表弟妹们学习辛苦，暑假也在大战，哪像她假期从来没有作业的。

 

住在姑父姑妈家，他们都是老师，管教较严，还被要求写英语作文交差，老大叫苦连天。写了一篇感慨小文，帮她修改了一些，算是交了差。贴在这，以作留念。

 

Back to where I belong

After almost fourteen hours of flight, and three hours of traveling, I finally step on my home town- Wuxi. This city looks familiar to me but also strange due to my four years of absence. There are more high buildings and wide roads; and more entertainment places for citizens to go; the new gym has unique structure and exterior appearance, which I almost cannot recognize any more. Looking at the city roughly, it is beautiful, modern and elegant; it has been growing so fast over the past four years.

However, there are uncomfortable sides; the streets are dirty, stinky and disorderly. When I walk on the streets, they’re extremely crowded and the traffic is a mess, people drive madly without following the traffic rules. When there are still several seconds before the green lights turn on, people cannot wait a second and rush to pass the stop. Does one meter pass the stop line really makes people go faster than others? If not, then what is the point? To be courteous is a virtue, but now, people act rude, impatient and unreasonable, even not following rules.

 Back to Wuxi, the first thing, of course, is shopping, which I find really makes me disappointed. The unbearable thing is the altitudes of the salespersons. They are smiling and are very polite and nice when I am walking in, but after they figure out that I am not buying anything, they change their faces suddenly and become very rude and insane, sometimes, they use insulting languages, which I never came cross in Canada.

The city changes, so do I. What really attracts me to come back to visit my home town? Is it my relatives or my old classmates or friends? Is it the tasty food or beautiful scenery? I have no exact clear answer, but I know it is my home town; I was born and grown in this place. Sometimes, I don’t know what I really like; I just keep going and following my feeling and instinct. I still feel I belong to this place. If you really want me to say, I only can tell you that this is because I am born here, it is always my home town forever no matter how it changes, more beautiful or uglier.

日子过得很快，老二出生十天了。

 

小女生于7月3日，北美山地时间早上9点，一切正常顺利。在医院呆了32个小时，第二天傍晚5点出院。

 

郑重告诉老大，她的独生子女时代宣告结束。

 

老大对老二的到来充满期待，对她也宠爱有加，为她起名字，照相，制作纪念册子，洗澡，换尿布，乐此不疲。每天回来第一件事就是抢着抱小孩。还说在打工时都想着这个小不点，明年上大学可能都不肯离开了，到时说不定想选择本地的学校。那自然也是我求之不得的。当然，她的选择总是第一位的，这是北美的价值观。

 

可是，少年是耐不住寂寞的。老二再可爱也挡不住老大回国的步伐。十七年来第一次独自出远门。一张机票，两个箱包，老大昨天自己经温哥华转机飞回了阔别近四年的老家。老大顾不上倒时差，一落地就投降在江南的酷暑，美食，繁华，热闹中。给她打了几个电话，还很不耐烦。少年是无忧的，当年我十八岁时，独自离家到千里之外的城市上学，也是这样兴奋，全然不念家人的牵挂。

 

北美太寂静，大陆太喧嚣，如果能中和一下，就好了。

 

老二这个小魔头仿佛是老大的翻版，作息时间也是昼夜颠倒，如果她回去，倒不用倒时差了。一方水土养一方人，不知道她长大后是否也会和老大一样念着江南的繁华？还是会甘于这里的寂静？